Speak Like a Mainer
by SandraDeee
Summary: Nathan gets more than he bargained for when he tries to help Audrey learn to speak like a Mainer.


****Disclaimer**: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**  
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**Author's Note:** This is mostly just a silly little drabble (not a dittle, though…). I figured it was time for something a bit light-hearted. The timeframe is season 1 between "Consumed," and "Ball and Chain," so fairly early-on in Nathan and Audrey's friendship/working relationship. If you squint and tilt your head just right, though, you can see hints of future Nathan/Audrey. Let me know what you think. :)

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><p>"It's freeeeezing out here!" The cool wind blowing off the Atlantic hit Audrey as she slid out of Nathan's Bronco. They were on their way to the marina's restaurant for a quick lunch before heading out to retrieve Dexter Nunnery, a wheeler and dealer who had been detained by the Bangor PD upon discovery that there were outstanding warrants for his arrest in Haven.<p>

But, of course, parking spots at that time of day were scarce, thus increasing the length of their walk to the eatery and Audrey's exposure to the cold. Already, she was starting to feel her nose grow moist.

"Why didn't you wear a coat?" Nathan asked. "I can't feel the cold, but even I knew to wear one."

Her teeth chattered as she sullenly responded, "I heard it was supposed to be balmy."

"Exactly. Balmy. Cold." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

She looked at him like he was crazy. "No, balmy means warm."

"Not around here it doesn't."

She hugged herself, trying to preserve some of her body heat. "I need a translator or something. If they've got dictionaries for Klingonese, why not one to understand Mainiacs?"

"Mainers," Nathan corrected.

"If you call 'balmy' cold, you're a Mainiac. Since when does _balmy_ mean cold?"

"It's always meant that. Cold so you need lip balm." Nathan withdrew a tube of ChapStick from his jacket pocket.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I'd never joke about lip balm." Nathan shoved the ChapStick back into his pocket and opened the door of the Bronco. She watched as he reached behind the driver's seat and pulled out another jacket. "Will be too big, but at least you shouldn't freeze to death. Or complain anymore."

Audrey gratefully took the lined jacket and put in on over her thin blazer. Nathan was right. It was way too big for her, the hem coming nearly to her knees and the sleeves extending far beyond the tips of her fingers. But it was warm and it smelled good. Masculine, woodsy, clean.

"Thanks." The two began walking along the boardwalk. "So what other sayings should I be aware of if I'm going to survive in Haven?"

"You've already learned about the red flannel hash."

Audrey wrinkled her nose. "Yeah. The hard way."

"Told you you should've ordered pancakes instead."

"But that's what you always say."

"But I meant it."

"So hit me up. What are some other things I should know?"

"There's ayuh."

"Wh-what?"

"Ayuh," he repeated.

"You sound like you're grunting."

"Some of the old timers use it. Means yes."

"Why don't they just say yes?"

"Why'd you just say 'hit me up'? Just the way people talk, Parker."

"Okay. So I heard someone mention fiddleheads the other day. Insult, right?"

"Nope. A plant. Chowder head, smart, and masshole—all insults."

She frowned. "Smart's an insult?"

"Means stupid. It's sarcasm. Maybe you've heard of sarcasm before."

"Ha. Ha. Okay. So say something to me. See if I can figure it out."

He paused for a moment, thinking of an expression. "I've got one. Right straight out, that's what I've been doing 'til it's pitch-poking dark."

Audrey nearly snorted upon hearing her partner say something that seemed so un-Nathan. "That sounds illicit."

"Means I've been working hard until well past dark."

"And here I thought it was kind of…kinky."

He shook his head. "No, if I asked you if you fancied a dittle…"

"Sounds like a snack," she interrupted.

His lips quirked. "Not quite."

"Oh, hey, is it like 'Diddle, Diddle, the cat and the fiddle?' I've always wondered what that meant."

"Wrong spelling," Nathan replied dryly. "Two _t_'s, not _d_'s.

"So what's dittle?"

But Nathan started to backpedal. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Okay, but you did, so answer my question. How am I supposed to learn if you don't teach me?" She waited and when he didn't answer, she stopped in her tracks and studied the man beside her. "Nathan, are you _blushing_?"

Nathan looked pained but said nothing.

"Fine. You won't answer me, I'll just ask this nice native _Mainer_ over here." Audrey began to walk toward a middle-aged man sitting on a bench. "Excuse me, sir, if I asked you if you fancied-"

"Parker, don't," Nathan grabbed her arm, gently he hoped, and directed her away from the man. "Excuse us." His voice dropped and Audrey waited expectantly. Finally, Nathan explained, "You'd be asking him if he wanted to have sex."

Her eyebrows shot up as his words sank in. Nathan looked like he was readying himself for an onslaught of anger. Instead Audrey burst out laughing. "So is that what all the guys say around here?" Nathan looked uncomfortable, and she couldn't resist. "Is that what _you_ say?"

But Nathan didn't acknowledge her question and stared straight ahead. "I'm thinking pancakes for lunch."

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><p>The End<p> 


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